Mr. Garner Goes To Washington

As I grow older, Christmas seems more a time of reflection. Christmases of my childhood. Christmases of my daughter's childhood. Of course, Jesus is still the reason for the season. There's still joy and magic. Yet, as life happens, events flavor the season a bit differently. It's not the same. It seems different each year. This began for me when my grandfather passed on Christmas Eve 1981. I was 8-years-old and had rarely seen my mom cry. Being that age, the loss wasn't profound. I'm sure that I remembered him throughout the year and the following Christmas Eves. Yet, his physical absence wasn't something I dwelt upon. Flash forward to Christmas 2024, and I'm reflecting on many things.  Last year at this time, both my parents were in a Mississippi hospital. I was realizing Mom likely had days to live. Dad could be shortly behind her. So many emotions, thoughts, and prayers swirled those last three weeks of December - three weeks that felt like three months....

Cancer.  No other word evokes so many emotions and consumes so many thoughts of both the one with the diagnosis and those who learn of it. On Tuesday, June 25, at 4:40pm, I learned that I have prostate cancer.  One of the questions I'm most asked: "How did you know to check?" Naturally, some wondered if I had signs or pains. There were none. Last September, I had my second physical with my new primary physician. With an age of 50, he requested a PSA (prostate-specific antigen) test be added to my blood panel. The next day, the results were in my portal. For my age, my PSA should be no higher than 4. My reading was 4.191. Since this number was out of range, the portal chart visually shouted at me that this was HIGH. Googling sent me into a spiral of thinking I might have prostate cancer which led to many thoughts of mortality. I was at work sitting in my cubicle attempting to calm myself and praying as waves of anxiety, thoughts and emotions washed in. I contacte...

These words have taken months to reconcile as I've wrestled with and revisited many times over. Summarizing three very long weeks of December 2023 has been quite the challenge. I was in Mississippi for what began as a hip fracture for my mother and ended in her passing. It's still rather surreal for her to be gone. The first Mother's Day without her impacted me more than what would've been her 86th birthday on January 24 or what would've been her 67th wedding anniversary on April 4. Not getting a call from her on my birthday July 1 was also a void which was filled with Dad calling in birthday wishes. My family being a thousand miles away for the last 20 years, only speaking on the phone once or twice a month, visits only being every few years due to life and expenses...it feels almost routine being disconnected from Mom. Yet, random memories and various regrets have trickled through my mind since those exhausting weeks in December. Three weeks which felt like three ...